The Need to Forgive: How to Let Go When They Don’t Deserve It
For most of my life, I’ve had trouble speaking up for myself
While I’m no longer in that place anymore, years of feeling like I had to swallow my words to please others began to create walls of resentment.
Soon enough, I found myself holding on to grudges without realizing that my past pain was the reason for my current struggle.
I’d get into minor disagreements over small issues because the heavier weights in my heart had yet to be healed.
I’d find myself asking God to take the pain away.
Days later, I’d still find myself standing in the shower having conversations in my head as I replayed all the best comebacks I wish I’d said in the heat of the moment.
Yes, I am that girl. Shhh..let that be our little secret. Lol.
Fortunately, God has developed my heart over the years.
Although I still have a ways to go, there are some tips about forgiveness that I’ve learned over the years:
Reflection—
When you have trouble letting go of the hurt, try reflecting on a moment where you messed up and hurt someone else.
Sometimes remembering times when we also needed forgiveness gives us the compassion to let go when others need our forgiveness.
Remember that your peace is worth more than their stupidity
I have a Spelman sister who taught me that forgiveness keeps you at peace.
When you stick to staying angry, you choose to walk around upset and bitter. Unfortunately, the only one you hurt is yourself.
Serve without grumbling and with a heart of love
When applicable, find a way to serve the person who offended you.
Yes, it sounds odd. Yet, there’s something special about actively loving someone who has hurt you. It frees your spirit from grief.
After you’ve done everything you can to rectify the situation between you and God, try doing something nice for that person.
I once was in a position where I had an elderly relative who was diagnosed with a disease that made life difficult for them.
When I was younger, that relative abused me. In therapy, years of unexpressed grief began to roll off me.
Yet, my deep inner healing came when I had an opportunity to serve them because their disease had crippled their capacity to help themselves.
That time of service freed me because I forced myself to let go of my frustrations.
I got my mind off of myself, the past, and put myself into the present moment. As I served them, I developed a compassion for them that made it impossible not to let go of my own hurt.
I began to stop seeing myself as a victim of the past and move forward to viewing myself as a survivor who was worth the healing process. …
Love,
